I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
