that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
