sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
