i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Someone came in the potted fern
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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