My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
