i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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