Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
