he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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