So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
