I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
