i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
