Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize