I think my vagina is haunted
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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