brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize