I showed him my bush... on skype.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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