The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
