Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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