i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
