I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
