I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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