i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Enjoy the penises
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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