You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize