so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
