Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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