dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
