If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
