We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
