the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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