I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
