Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
