Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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