If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize