absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
