i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize