I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've blown a few things in my day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
