I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
