Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
