Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
