Don't you send me to vm
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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