Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
