before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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