Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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