I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
