census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize