Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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