did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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