i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
