The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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