Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
