watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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