3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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