it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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