you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Green mimosas i think yes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
