my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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