my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
