Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
