Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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