My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
