if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
