No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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