The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize