Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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