How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
