i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
