I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
