We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
