It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize