you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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