after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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