Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
