Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
