I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
