GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
