I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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