I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize