she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
