i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
