He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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