Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
