Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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