So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
