apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Life is so much better after having sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
