haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
