If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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