I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
