I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So. Much. Porn.
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