Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
