There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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