he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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