I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
