I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
