Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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