you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
