WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
