Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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