then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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