so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
